My Instagram Life

I love Instagram.  It reminds me of the good ol' days on Facebook, back before content mills and the "Like" button.  Circa 2005, we used Facebook to connect with people in our college classes.  It seems like a lifetime ago, but I remember being so excited to see photos on Facebook.  It was such an ordeal. You had to take them on your digital camera, then PLUG IT IN to the computer, then download the photos, then upload the photos! I don't think I ever imagined I would be able to snap a photo, edit it, and upload it via my phone.  It's crazy.  Anyway, back to Instagram.  I enjoy pretty pictures.  I like to take pretty pictures.  I like to be in pretty pictures. :) Instagram is still full of "pretty."  Like this lovely little gem I took at the cutest diner ever in Albuquerque.

Cute right?  I mean, it's pretty snazzy.  Very American.  Dappledy fall light.  Cheese fries.  It's cute!  And of course, it's absolutely authentic.  

I try REALLY SUPER HARD to not be obsessed with my phone.  (You probably already know this.  Ya'll should have t-shirts made or something - "I texted Courtney and she didn't respond for hours.  Or maybe ever.")  I was so LOVING life in this cute little place that I wanted to capture it all!  That involved pulling out the phone and snapping away like crazy.  Here's the real story.

I was so enthralled with how "cute" this was, that I literally shoved my sweet friend's food, napkin, and drink to the side, mumbling "Just a second, I wanna take a picture of this.  It's so cute!"  She snapped this picture in what I hope was a total jest, laughing all the while.  She aptly termed it "My Instagram Life."  It made me laugh too, at first.  But then I started thinking about the deeper meaning behind this snapshot.  This summer, one of my life mottos became "Be present."  I justified leaving my phone in the car, house, whatever.  I didn't take as many pictures, didn't chronicle everything on Facebook, didn't check-in relentlessly, and I returned very few texts and even fewer calls.  It was freeing in a very odd sense. I think I still do pretty good with this, but this picture reminded me how easy it is to get sucked back in.  But this really isn't about my semi-addiction to a phone and Instagram, or my entire generation's obsession with the "Fear of Missing Out."  The deeper meaning I see in this is how utterly consumed I can be with making sure that EVERYONE thinks my life is Instagram-perfect.  Oh my sweet friends, you're probably wiser than I am, but I so don't have it together.  I mean, I so don't have it together!  I could make a list a mile long of all the things I don't have together - my house, my classroom, my finances (yikes), my Christmas shopping, my holiday decorating, the list goes on and on.  Here's the best part - it's ok! It's ok.  It has been ok and it will be ok.  It's a lovely feeling to just say it out loud.  We don't have to have it all together. We don't have to have it all together.  We don't have to have it all together. Got it?  There's beauty in brokenness.  There's beauty in my brokenness.