Be Somebody's Wednesday Afternoon

Back in April I was asked at my G/T interview why I wanted the job. Standard question and one you almost forget to prepare for because it is so basic. Without even really considering it, I started talking and even amazed myself at the response. I said "Wednesday afternoons were my safe place at school during 5th grade. I hated almost every minute of that miserable year except Wednesday afternoon. I vowed to grow up and be a good teacher so no one would have to relive my 5th grade year. I want to be someone else's safe place."  One afternoon last week, I noticed one of my students began to withdraw from the action at about 2:00. I walked over and asked the child if everything was ok. The student looked at me as tears welled up and said, "I know at 2:30 I have to leave and I won't see you for a week. I like it here. It makes me sad at school because I'm bored and you're nice." My heart dropped into my stomach because I had just accomplished the goal I was praying no longer needed accomplishing. My dear, sweet, dedicated, hard-working teacher friends, I am one of you. But can I encourage you this week? Watch out for those little ones - The little ones who are smart enough to get it without your help, and who are smart enough to drive you BANANAS with "what if?" The quiet ones who you question "Are they even really G/T?" and the ones who are sometimes so excited that they seem overbearing and rude. Love them just like you'd love any of the rest. Make time to answer their questions and challenge their thinking. I KNOW you can't do it all the time. Teachers are more and more overburdened in absolutely every area. But if you feel overburdened this week, know that A. I pray for you - most days during the silence of our all-too-short lunches, and B. remember my little one.  And I promise, it gets easier with practice. Just do a little bit and it becomes a new normal. The do a bit more and keep growing! You are amazing and doing a fabulous job, even if no one told you that this week. I know how hard you work on those report cards and awards and goals and end-of-six-weeks reports. So hang in there - October can be tough. And remember those precious little humans and be the teacher they want to be with every day!

Laughter and little pretzel dogs

True confessions - I LOVE shopping during the Christmas rush. Cassie does not. Let me digress for a minute.
Now in case you missed it, here's a recap of my morning:
It's a lovely vacation morning, which means I am enjoying a Coke and Christmas Tree brownie, soaking in the steaming tub, sipping on an ice-cold Coke. (I only drink Coke at Christmas because Santa approves and who am I to argue with Santa?) Cassie is on her way with her weekly laundry.
LOUD BANGING ON DOOR
Me: Come in, you know where I am.
BANGBANGBANG
Me: CASSIE!! Don't make me get outta this tub...
Bambambamm
Me: USE THE FLIPPING KEY!!!
BANGBANGBANG
Me: OH MY GOSH. I'M COMING! And you're going to wish I wasn't!
Get to the door to see the workman next door running back across the yard....
🙊
So after this occurs,we decide to brave the crowds and shop in the beautifully decorated and peacefully quiet stores. (Right?! Right...) I need a good deal on a large purchase, so I put on my "I'm a 30-year-old professional but I'm off today" outfit, while proselytizing to Cassie on how much better I am treated when I am dressed professionally, or at least semi-professionally. (Oh the irony) In an attempt to make things go faster, I go to Best Buy Mobile in the mall, presuming she can take the kidlets to the playplace while I attempt to snag a "too-good-to-be-true" deal. Hagen shares his momma's dislike of the hustle and bustle, so about 10 minutes into my haggling, the boys and Cassie come to check on me. They are all contentedly munching on tiny pretzel dogs. I promise them it will be a few more minutes and they mosey on out. After those few minutes, it becomes apparent that it is indeed too-good-to-be-true for this broke millennial, so I am scurrying out of the store with my bruised dignity. Just as I reach the mall entrance, I slide across the floor into a bin of discount cell phone cases and catch myself about 2 inches from the floor. I yell, "Whaaaat was that?!" and look down to see - a tiny pretzel dog! The attendant rushes up and begins apologizing and I'm trying desperately to flee with the shards of my dignity. I get to the entrance of the mall and absolutely lose it laughing!! There was a time when I would have bawled over any of those isolated, silly incidences. But oh my golly friends, it was just so funny! The whole thing was such a comedy of errors - priceless!! Laughter is a much better response than bruised pride that leads to anger and regret. Laugh on my friends!!

(And, for what it's worth, I left Kohl's with 5 gifts for $53 and $10 in Kohl's Cash. I "saved" $79, so it was still a great day! ;)

A Love Letter from a Savior

This past month or so, I've been searching and studying my identity in Christ. I've known for a WHILE that I just didn't see myself the way I should, but it took a life-changing weekend in New Mexico with Living Life by Design for me to finally begin to figure it out. Tonight, I was summing up one of my goals, which was to research 30 identity verses and claim them as my own. I want to see myself as God sees me, not the twisted view I've created. At the suggestion of my fabulous life coach, Dr. Shawn Lenhardt, I began writing the verses in first person. It was a GAME CHANGER y'all. SERIOUSLY. Try it. So after rewriting them all in the order I found them, I begin listing the "gists." Here's what God's word says - with a few conjunctions by Courtney. 😊

I am salt, light, a supported servant.
I am confident and unafraid, no longer inferior, called to be free.
I am a child of promise named My Delight.
I have overwhelming victory and God approves of me without my earning it.
I am no longer condemned, but a friend.
I am chosen and sealed with His holy spirit.
God has made me who I am, one of a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation.
I belong to God because I am born of God.
I have the mind of Christ because I am so miraculously and wonderfully made.
God made me and I am His.
Through Him I am being built in His spirit, the child he loves.
He has made me complete in Christ, a branch of the true vine.
For I have died and am hidden with Christ in my Father. There is therefore no condemnation for me.
I am God's chosen one, appointed a prophet to the nations.
 I am one with him in Spirit, because I am His masterpiece, created to do great works He has planned for me.

Wow God! What a love letter!

My View

I will admit it. I'm a sucker for 30-day challenges. (Well, maybe not workout challenges, but all the rest.) I psych myself up, gather my supplies, make a cute countdown calendar, and anxiously await day one, until day one arrives... Then I'm usually paralyzed by fear or perfectionism or writer's block or I-forgot-and-now-it's-too-late-because-nobody-starts-a-30-day-challenge-on-day-2!! Or even better, I make it through Day 1 and 2 and 3 and maybe even 7 and Saturday comes and I forget or I don't want to or blah blah blah. I annoy myself, trust me!!
So this year, I did complete the 30 day Thanksgiving Scripture plan, albeit not all on the days that I was supposed to. I am feeling fabulous about that, so I downloaded a plan for the Christmas challenge. I also decided to do the #illustratedadvent Bible Journaling challenge, which has been a blast. But I digress. I saw where last year I had begun a 30 day photo challenge intended to help me savor the season. Oh, I started with good intentions friends. I think I made it to day 11, which was impressive. I thought, hey, why not add this in? So tonight's prompt was "My View." My little nephews and company were visiting, and while my sister was putting the little piranha fish W to bed, H and I were watching the Polar Express, munching on chocolate chip cookies, and decorating the tree. Sounds PERFECT right? Except that there was an orange cowboy boot (always a single, I don't know why), a Ninja turtle sock, a cat toy, a juice box and a towel in the floor. H wasn't wearing any pants and was walking around with my phone in one hand and a clutch of tiny treasures in the other, with chocolate chips smeared all over his face. There was a load of unfolded towels on the couch, a pile of books strewn under the tree, and every pair of shoes in this house piled by the door. One cat had knocked the blinds askew and the other was noisily slurping the nastiest smelling cat food ever while purring contentedly at the top of his lungs. H was chattering on about the movie we were watching and the "racecarsharkship" he wants for Christmas, except he really wants me to get it now, C'mon here's your keys, Oh my gosh look at that TRAIN! The washing machine was whirring, the heater was sending dust bunnies flying, and I was wearing the red dress tshirt I wore to school and snowflake blankie pajama pants. It was CHAOS to say the least. And it was absolutely perfect. So I will upload a beautiful-ish picture of my tree, which is sans all my WWII Shiny Brites and is fairly lopsidedly decorated, and remember

tonight. And I will give myself grace to enjoy and cherish this season of anticipation without the pressure and polish.

James 1:17

I'm thankful for bitter icy mornings, speckled sunshiny fall afternoons, the chaos of wild spring thunderstorms, and summer days so hot that even the wasps are too lazy to fly.
I'm thankful for peppermint hot chocolate and vintage Christmas lights, pumpkin donuts and glittery decorations.
I'm thankful for a little red car that likes to speed, a little pink house that's usually cold, and a little white kitchen full of vintage goodness.
I'm thankful for beautiful journals filled with beautiful words in beautiful handwriting.
I'm thankful for a little yellow classroom where learning, love, life, and much Spanish is spoken.
I'm thankful for the 19 little faces who fill that little yellow classroom with stories, lessons, personalities, and memories.
I'm thankful for pretty pens, brown moccasins, and cute glasses.
I'm thankful for black fur on my dress pants, catnip on the kitchen floor, and the tear in the shower curtain that ensures I am never alone.
I'm thankful for warm quilts, Cherry sno-cones, and brand new pencils.
I'm thankful for muddy pawprints, puppy whines, and big brown eyes when I've been away from home for too long.
I'm thankful for sour candy, giggly girls, and movies that last too long.
I'm thankful for a beautiful brown-eyed boy who calls me Court and chases me with a shark.
I'm thankful for fireflies and the fourth of July, cookies and cocoa, and rain-cooled April afternoons.
I'm thankful for a chubby blue-eyed baby boy who makes sure I never enjoy a Dr. Pepper alone.
I'm thankful for Breakfast at Tiffany's, beautiful dolls, and JFK.
I'm thankful for a lanky little monkey who lives so far away but loves me anyway.
I'm thankful for old Country records, worn in boots, and bluebonnets in the spring.
I'm thankful for friends who've laughed and cried with me, who've written lesson plans for me, who always remember to bring me Dr. Peppers, and who chose to see the best in me, most especially when I can't.
I'm thankful for s'mores on a campfire, Palo Duro sunsets, and the sound of crickets on a July night while out checking pivots.
I'm thankful for a family that loves hard, who keeps it real, who makes me madder than a hornet and can still make me laugh until my cheeks hurt.
I'm thankful for pearls and Christmas ornaments with years of memories.
I'm thankful for a momma who will always tell me it will be ok and a daddy who will always tell me to "Cowgirl Up."
I'm thankful for cold days, warm blankets, Doritos, and DVRs.
I'm thankful for a country that is fighting to maintain freedom around the world, and even more thankful that I've always known what that freedom is, thanks to the generosity and service of others.
I'm thankful for Texas, may her Lone Star forever fly.
I'm thankful for those who spent Thanksgiving in Heaven this year, whose love and life gave me mine.
And most of all, I'm so very thankful for the outrageous love of a Savior who willing offered His life for mine.

#texasforever

I was born on a snowflake and blew home on a tumbleweed. I've got red dirt in my soul, my blood, and forever in my socks. I've seen the majesty of a sunset splashed sky without a thing blocking the horizon for miles. I've tasted dirt on the wind and the bitter blue edge of a cold front, all in the glow of a Friday Night Light. I've seen the power of a twister, heard the thunder of a hailstorm, and braced the teeth of a blizzard. Oh I've traveled. I have smelled the cool breath of New Mexico's mountains, seen the smoky mornings of East Tennessee, and felt the ocean lapping the Virginia seashore. I've walked where legends trod, across DC's marble hallways and Berlin's storied pathways. I've even walked among the trees of Texarkana, beheld the beauty of Hill country bluebonnets, and dipped my sandy toes in the Gulf. Despite all the wonders of this earth, at the end of the day, I'm so blessed to call the cotton fields of West Texas home. I'm so thankful to live in a land of coyotes and tumbleweeds, Co-op caps and churches, Dr. Pepper and hot sauce. A land where boots and jeans are appropriate for weddings, funerals, graduations, and airports. Long live cowboys and barbed wire, horses and Chevy trucks, guitars and tractors. I can't claim Texas as my sole lineage, Tennessee won't let me. But Texas is my heritage and my legacy, along with all those legends who've walked the hallowed red dirt. I'm grateful to call this proud land my home, more so this year than ever before.

My Instagram Life

I love Instagram.  It reminds me of the good ol' days on Facebook, back before content mills and the "Like" button.  Circa 2005, we used Facebook to connect with people in our college classes.  It seems like a lifetime ago, but I remember being so excited to see photos on Facebook.  It was such an ordeal. You had to take them on your digital camera, then PLUG IT IN to the computer, then download the photos, then upload the photos! I don't think I ever imagined I would be able to snap a photo, edit it, and upload it via my phone.  It's crazy.  Anyway, back to Instagram.  I enjoy pretty pictures.  I like to take pretty pictures.  I like to be in pretty pictures. :) Instagram is still full of "pretty."  Like this lovely little gem I took at the cutest diner ever in Albuquerque.

Cute right?  I mean, it's pretty snazzy.  Very American.  Dappledy fall light.  Cheese fries.  It's cute!  And of course, it's absolutely authentic.  

I try REALLY SUPER HARD to not be obsessed with my phone.  (You probably already know this.  Ya'll should have t-shirts made or something - "I texted Courtney and she didn't respond for hours.  Or maybe ever.")  I was so LOVING life in this cute little place that I wanted to capture it all!  That involved pulling out the phone and snapping away like crazy.  Here's the real story.

I was so enthralled with how "cute" this was, that I literally shoved my sweet friend's food, napkin, and drink to the side, mumbling "Just a second, I wanna take a picture of this.  It's so cute!"  She snapped this picture in what I hope was a total jest, laughing all the while.  She aptly termed it "My Instagram Life."  It made me laugh too, at first.  But then I started thinking about the deeper meaning behind this snapshot.  This summer, one of my life mottos became "Be present."  I justified leaving my phone in the car, house, whatever.  I didn't take as many pictures, didn't chronicle everything on Facebook, didn't check-in relentlessly, and I returned very few texts and even fewer calls.  It was freeing in a very odd sense. I think I still do pretty good with this, but this picture reminded me how easy it is to get sucked back in.  But this really isn't about my semi-addiction to a phone and Instagram, or my entire generation's obsession with the "Fear of Missing Out."  The deeper meaning I see in this is how utterly consumed I can be with making sure that EVERYONE thinks my life is Instagram-perfect.  Oh my sweet friends, you're probably wiser than I am, but I so don't have it together.  I mean, I so don't have it together!  I could make a list a mile long of all the things I don't have together - my house, my classroom, my finances (yikes), my Christmas shopping, my holiday decorating, the list goes on and on.  Here's the best part - it's ok! It's ok.  It has been ok and it will be ok.  It's a lovely feeling to just say it out loud.  We don't have to have it all together. We don't have to have it all together.  We don't have to have it all together. Got it?  There's beauty in brokenness.  There's beauty in my brokenness.